are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
