Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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