I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
