hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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