i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
