Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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