I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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