Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
