i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
