your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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