so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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