I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
