my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Don't make out with my wife yet
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
