Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My ATM looks so different sober.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
