ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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