forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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