if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
