my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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