Im at strip club and am horny
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
