If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
