you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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