my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
