He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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