Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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