You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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