you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
