It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
