if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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