make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
