And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
