You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
