Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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