Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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