You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I hope mine doesn't look like that
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
