Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
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