I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
