everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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