I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
