How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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