We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
