Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
