I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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