Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
