Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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