Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We just shotgunned beers for America
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
