Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
