The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
