no, he came in my armpit
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
