wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
