It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
